I don’t typically talk/vent about things on tumblr to this extent, mainly because I don’t see a lot of point to let a modest sized group of people know my interpersonal issues. There is not much anyone else can do about them and that’s okay! I’d rather not worry others, since nothing here is new. I grew up around all sorts of abuse, financial issues, horrible influences, etc etc just dysfunction in general. It’s hard at times, but it’s nothing I can’t find someway to deal with—even if that means just gritting my teeth and waiting. When I was much younger I started to learn how to appreciate all the bad things that happened to me.

These bad things helped shape me into who I am and how I deal with things, and even though I get really down on myself sometimes, I really do like who I am as a person! I have confidence, I know my strengths and my weaknesses, what I’m capable of and what I’m not. I’m a self-reliant person with a good head on my shoulders and a whole crock pot of odd fetishes and I think that’s neat.

Regardless, I can’t control the way that I feel or react emotionally to things—but what I can control is how I deal and process them. In this case, I’m venting. Talking things out is one of my favorite and most effective coping methods.

Anyway,

it feels pretty lame when your mom uses your emotional issues as a scape goat to get out of an argument/issue that you have no part of at all.

She’s fighting with her on/off boyfriend, Mike, whom I really hate. Big fat history there and ugh drugs and abuse and fear nd gfdgd

My mom needs to learn how to take responsibility for her actions. She messed up, she needs to accept the consequences, and just

don’t use me and my emotions as an excuse to get out of a situation you don’t like being in.

Yes, this stuff stresses me out, but I don’t react as poorly as I used to. My first reaction is not to reach for a razor or pills or anything like when I was younger. My threshold is much higher, and I can’t remember the last time I’ve cut.

I know in some way you do have the intention of protecting me, it’s something you want to do as a mother, but for as long as I can remember I’ve been the one protecting you, but still I can’t stop you from making the mistakes you do

Oh well, things will be okay eventually. I am finally out of high school, and hopefully I can get a job and be able to help out financially while saving for my own future. I have a lot of goals I intend on reaching, and it’d be silly if I’d let my home situation hold me back. Just because this is my life right now doesn’t mean it will be my life forever

I’m the only one who can decide that (◕ᴥ◕し)